


fear of falling

by fandomfix



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ambiguity, Emotional Constipation, Gen, Hux is Bad at Feelings, Introspection, M/M, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 08:54:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15659907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomfix/pseuds/fandomfix
Summary: Hux isn’t comfortable with intimacy. He doesn’t like how it worms its way into your skull.





	fear of falling

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in about 30 minutes and edited it in about 5. So, definitely not up to my usual standards, but considering how little I've written this year it seemed only fair to share with all you lovely people. Hopefully you like it!

Hux isn’t comfortable with intimacy.

Not the actual physical aspects of it, because obviously he doesn’t care about that. He got to the position he holds now through cunning and hard work, this is true. But that doesn’t mean he didn’t massage a few backs along the way.

No, physical intimacy isn’t the problem.

It’s when emotions become involved that something deep within him wants to run for the hills. It’s only his own stubbornness that keeps the feeling at bay.

So, he can’t explain his current dilemma. His current wants.

He’s been in some sort of odd hate-and-yet-I-tolerate-you arrangement with Ren for years. It used to be more though.

They’d first begun fucking each other shortly after Lord Ren entered his life. But Supreme Leader Snoke quickly put an end to that. Immediately twisting every halfway pleasant thought they had into something to manipulate. A way to turn them on each other. The so-called relationship shriveled and died on the vine within months of its inception.

And Hux had been fine with that.

Hux had more important things to worry about. He didn’t need the distraction of screwing (and being screwed by) a colleague he didn’t even care much for. Snoke could take all Ren’s time and Hux wouldn’t care two wits about it.

But then Snoke died. Killed. _Allegedly_ at the hands of that girl, although Hux and everybody else had strong doubts about that one. And Ren became Supreme Leader himself. And although Hux would never admit it, a small part of him thought the prior arrangement would begin again.

He wasn’t happy about it. He didn’t like the idea of being used, of being nothing but a piece of ass. It was his job to make _other_ people feel like that. He didn’t look forward to being pushed back into some arrangement that wouldn’t benefit him in any way.

It didn’t happen. Ren didn’t ignore him completely; the man was too smart to be so foolish. The man was too aware of who Hux was, of how Hux got where he was now, to completely turn his back. But he didn’t press Hux for anything.

He asked Hux’s opinion on matters. He shot down Hux’s opinion on matters. Every now and again he even _thanked_ Hux for his opinion.

And Hux hated to admit how much a soft, threatening voice saying “thank you, general” sent a shiver down his spine.

Hux thought he was done with this. He didn’t need physical relationships, didn’t even want them most of the time if he was being honest.

But Supreme Leader Ren hadn’t seemed to even consider touching him. He was being appreciated and ignored at the same moment, something Snoke had excelled at. Yet it bothered him more now than it ever did with the deceased being.

Ren wasn’t supposed to ignore him. Ren was supposed to see him as a constant annoyance, a constant cause for worry.

Ren was supposed to _see_ him.

And it wasn’t the fucking Hux found himself desiring. It was the other things. The things he’d rejected all those years ago anyway.

A hand resting on his cheek. Fingers running through his un-gelled hair. A soft voice hesitating when it almost said something sentimental.

What happened to that man? Did the death of Snoke destroy him completely? Did the death of someone else do it? Had Hux been so caught up in his goals and other wants that he missed the loss of Ren completely?

Should he even care?

_Yes_ a voice whispered in his mind as he strode toward the chambers Ren would be waiting in. _Yes you care because he made you want to run for the hills. And now you are stranded at the base of the mountain._

He shook his head. Steeled his body and mind. Ignored all those wants and desires. All those memories of past fucking that held too much of a sheen for him to be comfortable with. Pretended that Ren’s impassive and uncaring face didn’t bother him.

Hux isn’t comfortable with intimacy. He doesn’t like how it worms its way into your skull.

Clenching his fingers and ignoring the shiver down his spine as the man before him smirks, Hux continues on.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hey on [tumblr](http://fandomfix8.tumblr.com) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/fandomfix8)!


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